In the future we'll all be gay
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
