everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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