Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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