The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
