So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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