i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
