I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
