he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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