nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
