I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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