About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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