Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
