Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The air was thick with penises
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
