Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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