so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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