...so i touched it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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