no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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