Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
