Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
