I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
