I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize