In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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