OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How naked do you want me to be?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
