if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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