they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The adults are the big ones right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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