I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
