The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Randomize
