Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
