ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
