Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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