would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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