When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
