I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Randomize
