My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
