the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
