i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
