mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
