um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
