4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
