Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
