so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
