My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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