I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
