I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
