I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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