Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
handjob tips. give me some.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
