I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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