My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
