I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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