I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
