where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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