The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
