I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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