Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
