i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
