A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
