You're completely useless in the revolution.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
