I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
