sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
