Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
