Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
