I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize