It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
